


Moonlit Memories

by TwoAmusements



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Prequel, wolfstar if you squint a lot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:41:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23809309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwoAmusements/pseuds/TwoAmusements
Summary: Alone on the moors, Remus Lupin reflects on his friends and the losses he felt while everyone was celebrating the end of the war.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 3





	1. Padfoot

**Author's Note:**

> This idea randomly popped into my head and I thought it seemed like a better use of my time than any of my homework. I'm flying unbeta'd this time, so if there are any typos feel free to let me know.

Remus hates transforming. He’s pretty sure every werewolf hates transforming. Even Greyback, monster that he is, must hate the process of bones breaking and reforming when the moon rises. Remus often curses his ineptitude at potions, wishing he could brew wolfsbane and make his time as a wolf calm and controlled, but at this moment right before the wolf takes over the potion means little because it does nothing for the pain. As he sees the moon rise over the Scottish moors where he is currently resting a thought, unwanted yet unstoppable pulls into his mind, a thought he has every time before he transforms: he would happily transform every single night if it meant he could be with his friends again.

He can so clearly picture his first ride on the Hogwarts Express. The full moon had just passed and while he was grateful he would not have to worry about his first transformation until he had settled in at school he thought is was unlikely he would make many friends given his current state. Who would want to speak with emaciated boy in shabby robes with dark circles under his red-rimmed eyes? As it turned out there were three. As the years went on, people would always assume James and Sirius had been the first of the four to connect, they had been so similar with their dark hair, charismatic smiles, and penchant for trouble, but the truth was that Sirius and Remus had been the first, then James joined in and along the way they had adopted poor sweet Peter.

Sirius had entered Remus’ otherwise empty compartment as an unforgettable whirlwind of energy. Padfoot had later confessed that he had gone looking for the student that he thought would most upset his parents and the nervous boy in frayed robes had been the perfect choice. Typical Sirius, Remus can still hear their conversation when he closes his eyes.

“Oy is anyone sitting here?”

“No, I think most of the first years are all in the next car.” He had replied, apparently too quietly because the boy plopped down opposite and looked at him expectantly. “I said “I think most of the first years are all in the next car.’”

“I heard you the first time, barely though blimey you talk bloody quiet, ya know that?” Remus had simply blinked at him. “I’m Sirius by the way.” More blinking “And you aaaaaaaarrrrrre?” He said, enunciating each would and drawing out the ‘are’ as if he was worried the sallow boy in front of him didn’t speak English.

“Lupin… Remus”

“Nice to meet you Lupin Remus. How come you’re sitting here all alone?” Remus was beginning to contemplate a halfway decent answer that didn’t include the lunar cycle, but Sirius didn’t pause long enough for him to answer. “I’m excited to get sorted, well actually I’m a little nervous. My whole family has been in Slytherin and they’ll be really disappointed if I don’t follow in their footsteps, but I can’t help but think that being in Gryffindor would be really cool. I mean, they’re an entire devoted to being brave, they must be the coolest guys around, right?” Remus opened his mouth to respond, because he did think it would be cool to be a Gryffindor, but he was too slow again “Do you want to try out for Quidditch? Obviously, you can’t right away since first years aren’t allowed to be on teams, or even have brooms which is so completely frustrating because I would love to be able to fly sometimes. I think I would want to tryout for beater if I were to tryout at all, but I’m not sure if I want to, it’s a lot of work being on the team and I’m really more interested in participating as a spectator. You know, screaming and adoring my team when they win and abandoning them for the enemy when they lose.” At this thought the boy gave short sharp bark of laughter that made Remus jump out of his seat. Which in turn caused the boy to bark out another laugh which quickly devolved into a fit of giggles that Remus had no choice but to join in with. Just like that a friendship was born.

At the time Remus had assumed the boy was always this chatty, it wasn’t until later that he had discovered the boy’s excited endless chatter was a byproduct of two things. The first was his excitement to begin his schooling at Hogwarts, his parents had discussed Durmstrang. The second was that he was starved for attention. Number 12 Grimmauld Place was not a great place to be child, particularly a vivacious and inquisitive child like Sirius, so when he had met Lupin, who would politely sit there as he released every thought in his head at him it was a match made in heaven.

Over the next ten years Remus and Sirius would become incredibly close and no matter how cool Sirius would go on to become he was never quite able to shake his habit of spewing all his thoughts at Remus with the force of a battering ram. As the two most nocturnal members of the Mauraders they had spent countless nights as the last two in the Gryffindor common room, Remus doing his homework and laughing in spite of himself while Sirius would tell very animated stories his own homework abandoned on a side table to be frantically finished during breakfast. Whenever Remus thinks about Padfoot these are the memories that come to mind, at least at first.

Then he remembers James and Lily. He remembers Peter. He remembers Harry and he has to grow up living with Lily’s horrible sister and her boar of a husband. He remembers, selfishly, that Sirius had destroyed his entire family in one fell swoop. This isn’t the first time he’d fallen down this vortex of thought. Every time he began to wonder how he’d missed the signs that Sirius had gone down the dark path he came up blank. Sirius had always been a staunch defender of those less fortunate. Up to the day before that fateful Halloween Sirius had been lecturing him on not allowing his “furry little problem” to prevent him from living his life. Right up to October 30th Sirius had been the same effervescent, charming, ridiculous, and stupidly loyal person Remus had even known. Then he betrayed them all.

Eventually, Remus has to let it go, knowing that he can never have the answer, that no amount of reasoning will bring his family back. He knows that his mind will circle around to it again and when he does the wounds on his heart will tear back open as fresh as they were the day it happened.

But for now, he would let the wolf take over and hopefully the pain would subside for a little while.


	2. Chapter Two: Prongs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after his transformation Remus is again left alone with his thoughts. This time his mind wanders to a certain dramatic boy with silly black hair and glasses.

It was the wind that woke him, the cold wind off the highlands against his bare skin. As much as hated transforming waking up naked in an unknown location always made him so uncomfortable, Remus had never possessed a confidence like James. As he slowly trudged through the fields and moors looking the hollow where he had hidden a change of clothes, too exhausted to apparate, his mind wandered back to the first time he the leader of their little gang.

The darkness was the first thing Remus noticed when he’d stepped of the train, in the dim light of the station many students were wandering around unsure of their footing, but Remus felt at home in the dark, besides if it was dark that meant the moon was small and he would be able to sleep. He and Sirius had been separated by the crowds of students and while Remus would have liked to find the one person he knew, it wasn’t a good idea to get close to anyone given his circumstances, besides Sirius was definite Gryffindor material and Remus knew there was no chance of him being sorted into the house of the brave.

“First years over ‘ere.” He was pulled from his musings by the strong voice of a man easily three times his height and four, if not five, times his weight. As his new peers swarmed towards the giant man Remus felt himself drawing naturally towards the back of the crowd, wanting to remain as unseen as possible. They soon arrived at the banks of a lake filled with small boats capable of carrying three or four students. Remus cursed to himself for not having stuck with Sirius a little longer, it would have been nice to have known someone to get in a boat with. His eyes quickly began searching for someone, anyone that he could maybe join in as his pulse began to quicken in fear. _There!_ he thought as made eye contact with a pair of vivid green eyes. The eyes in question belonged to a pretty girl with long red hair that had been plaited to stay out of her way. The mysterious girl smiled shy, but warmly at him and for a moment Remus felt himself exhale, but just soon as relief came it was yanked away. A sour-faced boy with long black hair and grabbed her by the arm and was dragging to an already occupied boat with an air of excited impatience. The girl turned back and with an apologetic shrug followed her greasy companion. Remus cursed again.

“Blimey, you kiss your mother with that mouth?” Remus whipped around, he’d been so lost in thought he hadn’t noticed a boat to his right that was completely empty save for a small, wiry boy with glasses and aura of smugness that was irritating and endearing all rolled into one.

“No, but I kissed your’s with it last night.” He hadn’t meant for the retort to come flying out of his mouth, but with his body pumped full of fear and excitement his self-control was as frayed as his robes. He expected the boy to hit him or at the very least tell him to bugger off, but instead he simply peered at him through his wire-rimmed glasses with a puzzled expression before leaning back and letting out a soft chuckle that contrasted magnificently with the rash burst he had heard from Sirius a matter of hours ago.

“I like you. Hop in.” and with that sweeping pronouncement Remus found himself in a boat with the strange, charming boy who introduced himself as James Potter and offered him a chocolate frog. “The card’s my dad and I can never stomach to eat them when they are.”

That was James to the letter. He always knew how to toe the line between cocky and compassionate with a finesse that no one would ever be able to match.

As the boats set off across the lake, Remus felt his fear melt away a little despite himself. There was something about James that made him relax, made him feel normal even. Which made it all the more strange that they were the only two in the boat. After a few minutes in the placid water Remus felt bold enough to ask why James why someone as likeable as him was alone. James had preened like some silly bird hearing Remus’ compliment drawing a chuckle out of Remus.

“There was just too much awesomeness in me for anyone else to want to join me. They were intimidated by me.” At that Remus lost the battle he had been fighting to keep his mirth under control. The two boys had laughed together and split another of treats James had saved from the trolley. Years later, James had confessed to feeling overwhelmed by the amount of people. He had spent the entire train ride entertaining all the other first years he could and that after several hours of it he had gotten tired of how much noise everyone was making. Being an only child, James was used to having much more control over his environment and learning to adapt to others’ needs would take him quite a while.

Their laughter had continued in the good-natured companionship only eleven-year-olds can muster until their first view of the castle. Upon seeing Hogwarts in all its glory, windows ablaze against the dark night sky, they had both been stunned into silence. With Remus imagining all the wonderous lessons he would soon learn and James picturing himself living as the sole resident of such a grand structure. Upon their arrival they had been greeted by a very small wizard with a soft squeaky voice who identified himself as Professor Flitwick, the head of Ravenclaw. Before allowing the first years into the entrance he explained they would each be called up to try on a very large, very faded hat to determine which house they would be sorted into and with that the doors were opened wide. As they entered the hall Remus felt his jaw drop, the ceiling perfectly matched the night sky outside, dark inky blue, streaked with shades of violet, and twinkling with silver stars, and there were more candles the Remus had ever seen before floating around the room each lit with a flickering flame. He turned to James and saw his open mouthed astonishment was mirrored on his new companion’s face, they were so absorbed in staring at the room that they didn’t notice the line had stopped and bumped into the people in front of them.

“Sorry” he said quickly eyes downcast.

“That’s okay.” the voice that replied was soft and warm “I was just as stunned as you were by this place.” Remus’ head lifted up to see the redheaded girl from before smiling kindly at him

“Yes well, at least you had the sense to look where you were going.” The second voice, sounding pinched and nasal, came from the same boy Remus had seen her with earlier. Remus opened his mouth to apologize again when Professor Flitwick cleared his throat and announced the first name. Causing them all to face forward. Remus had glanced sideways hoping to exchange a bemused expression with James only to find his face had taken on a funny glazed-over expression as he stared at the back of the girls plaited head.

When Sirius was called up to the stool Remus felt his heart go out to the boy, but that hat had barely touched his hair before the “Gryffindor” rang out through the hall. As Sirius went to sit with the sea of red and gold he beamed with an authentic joy that Remus could not help but envy. After a few more names the redheaded girl, Lily Evans Remus learned, sat down on the stool. The hat took a longer with her that it had with Sirius, but it wasn’t long before the call of “Gryffindor” rang through the hall. As she got up Remus caught her shooting an apologetic smile to the greasy boy in front of them and Remus noticed how his back had stiffened since her house was called.

A few more names passed before it was finally his turn on the stool. Remus’ legs had shaken violently as he walked up to the stool. He was not used to this many people being in a room, let alone having all their eyes directly on him. His throat was tightening and for a moment he thought he could feel the wolf inside him telling him to run for the forest where it was safe. He pushed through and sat down, rather heavily on the stool as the hat came down over his eyes.

Remus would never forget the experience of hearing the voice echo through his head as if it were his own thoughts. _Well well well, what do we have here? A werewolf. This might just be a first for me and there aren’t many firsts when you’ve been around as long as I have. Now let’s seem where to put you. Not a bad mind I see, and I can see some loyalty burning inside you, but…._ The voice trailed off momentarily and Remus again felt the shadow of the wolf calling for him to flee and again he fought past it. _Ah yes. I see it now._

“Gryffindor” As the call sounded the hat was raised off his head and Remus opened his eyes to see the table covered in crimson and gold cheering and beckoning him over. He took his seat beside Sirius who threw his arm around him with a casual familiarity that Remus had not expected and declared “About time you got here Remus.”

When it was finally James’ turn, following some boy named Peter, the hat was on his head all of three seconds before a resounding “Gryffindor” sounded from the hat. James bounded over slid easily to the open seat on Remus’ other side. Introducing himself to Sirius as Remus’ best friend as of five minutes ago, earning a sharp bark of laughter from the other boy and quiet smile from Remus. It was at that moment that Remus had begun to realize no matter how hard he tried, these boys were his friends now and there was nothing he could do to stop them.

Normally such memories would have kept Remus warm all the way back to the hollow, but today they made him feel the cold that much more. It had been so lonely before the Marauders came together and the isolation he felt now that two were dead and another was in prison for their murders made the memories sting worse than any wind could. When he finally arrived at the hollow and put his clothes on he noticed how shabby the dark gray sweater had become. The sweater had been a gift from James, in keeping with his tradition of gifting him something kind with a cocky remark this sweater had been given with a “this way you won’t scare Harry the next time you come to visit. We can’t have him thinking Daddy and Mummy consort with ugly people.” At the time he had thrown back his head and barked out a laugh that would have made Sirius jealous, the dog that was. Now he found himself sliding down to the ground sweater in his hands as the tears came flowing and a name was mourned through a choked voice.

“James.”


End file.
